








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 212 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1973 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,364 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 966 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1113 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1169 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1116 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,004,361 of utility $209 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Danning | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Steuernagel | 67% | 15 |
| #3 | Ace | 53% | 80 |
| #4 | [CKW] Blitzkrieg | 52% | 33 |
| #5 | SexyLlama | 51% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DippZ | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Eerie Kyri | 5 | 0.0086 |
| #3 | SexyLlama | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Strafe- | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Prestige - Road to 1K | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DippZ | 342 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | Poseidon水♆ | 198 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Ace | 115 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | ₣r4N ✔ | 94 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #5 | Strafe- | 88 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grembranx | +2.58 | 77 | 53 |
| #2 | SexyLlama | +2.06 | 90 | 54 |
| #3 | DippZ | +2.04 | 67 | 60 |
| #4 | Strafe- | +0.92 | 57 | 49 |
| #5 | Steuernagel | +0.20 | 81 | 44 |





