








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 107 matches | ||
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2895 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,417 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3149 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2390 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1979 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1899 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $430,730 of utility $91 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | |-|34|)$|-|[]']['™© | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | stui | 65% | 20 |
| #3 | Hi I'm Albi | 63% | 16 |
| #4 | Ottmann#Ozaki8 | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | BluT | 58% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ³ ch𝖊𝖊ky bastard | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | Ottmann#Ozaki8 | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | BluT | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | vox | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | iQQ. | 1 | 0.0031 |





