








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 369 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 370 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2775 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4332 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4763 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4473 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2917 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,370,305 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 222 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PhilSee | 54% | 28 |
| #2 | Raptor | 52% | 154 |
| #3 | Nicht Moneyboy | 52% | 192 |
| #4 | yeet | 49% | 330 |
| #5 | T1D3 | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | MischiMieze | 45% | 124 |
| #9 | HENTAI! !*Btch*Please*! | 45% | 67 |
| #10 | Napoleon | 39% | 41 |
| #11 | VitoX | 38% | 37 |
| #12 | EinenKiffn? | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yeet | 17 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Raptor | 8 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | ๋ | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | MischiMieze | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Nicht Moneyboy | 3 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yeet | 1007 | 0.15 | 24 min |
| #2 | ๋ | 462 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Nicht Moneyboy | 260 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | Raptor | 144 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #5 | HENTAI! !*Btch*Please*! | 131 | 0.09 | 3 min |





