








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 128 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
666 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,324 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1606 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1237 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1359 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1122 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $186,496 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JohnAnderson | 86% | 7 |
| #2 | vesterlicious | 71% | 21 |
| #3 | j0naz | 65% | 23 |
| #4 | swag | 64% | 14 |
| #5 | Pazia | 62% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | V1K!NG | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | swag | 2 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Jojjer | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | ranzau | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Pazia | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pazia | 98 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | j0naz | 92 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | father m | 90 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | Jojjer | 74 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | V1K!NG | 58 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vesterlicious | +3.88 | 67 | 81 |
| #2 | Pazia | +2.14 | 79 | 83 |
| #3 | father m | +1.51 | 35 | 74 |
| #4 | swag | +1.36 | 78 | 72 |
| #5 | JohnAnderson | +1.12 | 55 | 72 |





