








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 167 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 114 matches | ||
| Wingman | 111 matches | ||
| Premier | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2631 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,134 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4226 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3005 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2538 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2365 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $610,796 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DIEHL | 58% | 38 |
| #2 | cyan.emmelnem | 56% | 196 |
| #3 | Thorin Thunderbeard | 55% | 150 |
| #4 | isucksohard | 53% | 58 |
| #5 | petR | 53% | 280 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Thorin Thunderbeard | 55% | 150 |
| #4 | isucksohard | 53% | 58 |
| #5 | petR | 53% | 280 |
| #6 | ... | 52% | 44 |
| #7 | Dilaver | 52% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | petR | 8 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Thorin Thunderbeard | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | cyan.emmelnem | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | isucksohard | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | ... | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | petR | 566 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #2 | cyan.emmelnem | 290 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #3 | Thorin Thunderbeard | 230 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #4 | Dilaver | 85 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | ... | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cyan.emmelnem | +2.35 | 69 | 59 |
| #2 | BACONBACONTRUCK | +1.36 | 63 | 76 |
| #3 | petR | +0.13 | 73 | 64 |
| #4 | Thorin Thunderbeard | -0.49 | 55 | 46 |
| #5 | Dilaver | -0.59 | 64 | 49 |





