








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 89 matches | ||
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1640 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,214 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1143 | 36% |
| Smokes | 752 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1193 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 126 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $547,693 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | cyan.emmelnem | 55% | 166 |
| #5 | isucksohard | 54% | 48 |
| #6 | DIEHL | 52% | 29 |
| #7 | Dilaver | 47% | 34 |
| #8 | ... | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cyan.emmelnem | 4 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | petR | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | BACONBACONTRUCK | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | isucksohard | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Dilaver | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BACONBACONTRUCK | 505 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #2 | petR | 460 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #3 | cyan.emmelnem | 242 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #4 | Dilaver | 89 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | isucksohard | 28 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cyan.emmelnem | +2.71 | 70 | 60 |
| #2 | BACONBACONTRUCK | +1.34 | 60 | 82 |
| #3 | petR | -0.11 | 71 | 68 |
| #4 | Dilaver | -0.46 | 63 | 50 |
| #5 | Thorin Thunderbeard | -0.48 | 55 | 47 |





