








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 296 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2422 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,304 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2019 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2624 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2651 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2010 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $533,029 of utility $100 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 503 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pepe Julian Onziema | 80% | 20 |
| #2 | Zeiver | 61% | 90 |
| #3 | Itis Wat Itis | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | Stifu | 56% | 73 |
| #5 | Tz | 54% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Goavääpeli | 42% | 33 |
| #14 | Huge | 38% | 13 |
| #15 | ¿Que Pasa, Amigo? | 37% | 19 |
| #16 | nismob | 31% | 16 |
| #17 | Khanilan | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Saaresi | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Stifu | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Khanilan | 3 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Pepe Julian Onziema | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | Japa91 | 2 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stifu | 202 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Japa91 | 189 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Saaresi | 182 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #4 | misku | 150 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | Zeiver | 130 | 0.07 | 4 min |





