








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1060 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 162 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5631 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10966 | 45% |
| Smokes | 6875 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2448 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 4056 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $867,790 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2041 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | C0D3M4N | 49% | 39 |
| #10 | TEANIE PEANIR | 47% | 136 |
| #11 | crablicker58 | 46% | 37 |
| #12 | Shady Milkman | 45% | 58 |
| #13 | daisy | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Smovey | 55 | 0.0141 |
| #2 | heehee | 31 | 0.0162 |
| #3 | daisy | 15 | 0.0147 |
| #4 | TEANIE PEANIR | 8 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Shady Milkman | 5 | 0.0043 |





