








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1038 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,878 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 542 | 19% |
| Smokes | 989 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 826 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 521 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $166,602 of utility $86 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | No Monitor Tsih | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Unemployed 9-5 | 58% | 24 |
| #3 | glimpse | 54% | 78 |
| #4 | ELT & John | 52% | 48 |
| #5 | pengu1n | 52% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | glimpse | 54% | 78 |
| #4 | ELT & John | 52% | 48 |
| #5 | pengu1n | 52% | 33 |
| #6 | Noyou | 50% | 28 |
| #7 | N.W.A. | 48% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noyou | 3 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | ELT & John | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Unemployed 9-5 | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | glimpse | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | pengu1n | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ELT & John | 258 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| #2 | glimpse | 222 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | N.W.A. | 67 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Unemployed 9-5 | 45 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Noyou | 42 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noyou | +4.33 | 79 | 65 |
| #2 | Death | +0.69 | 71 | 56 |
| #3 | glimpse | -0.11 | 74 | 69 |
| #4 | pengu1n | -0.27 | 76 | 54 |
| #5 | ELT & John | -0.45 | 61 | 78 |





