








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 535 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 289 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7320 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,633 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2832 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4281 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4635 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 3885 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,397,833 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1925 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ELT & John | 49% | 67 |
| #6 | shy^ | 47% | 62 |
| #7 | No Monitor Tsih | 45% | 98 |
| #8 | Unemployed 9-5 | 43% | 146 |
| #9 | N.W.A. | 43% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shy^ | 20 | 0.0161 |
| #2 | Unemployed 9-5 | 15 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | Kro | 10 | 0.0082 |
| #4 | No Monitor Tsih | 8 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | glimpse | 7 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | glimpse | 662 | 0.14 | 19 min |
| #2 | ELT & John | 353 | 0.25 | 9 min |
| #3 | Unemployed 9-5 | 292 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #4 | N.W.A. | 225 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #5 | Kro | 179 | 0.15 | 4 min |





