








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 329 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 43 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1272 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,715 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1552 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1113 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1308 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $426,142 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | jutku | 51% | 43 |
| #13 | daco | 50% | 10 |
| #14 | magnesium | 50% | 22 |
| #15 | .-- . .- ... . .-.. | 49% | 35 |
| #16 | ällö pulu | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KooÄs | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | jutku | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | .-- . .- ... . .-.. | 3 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | ǝʞʞɒ | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Peksu | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | prankster | 410 | 0.36 | 9 min |
| #2 | KooÄs | 227 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | jutku | 101 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | nfr | 87 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | ǝʞʞɒ | 71 | 0.08 | 2 min |





