








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 654 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 594 matches | ||
| Premier | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7555 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6149 | 30% |
| Smokes | 6647 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4697 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3255 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,907,943 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 493 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flumsy | 63% | 73 |
| #2 | massey | 60% | 45 |
| #3 | pt | 59% | 365 |
| #4 | Kev1n | 59% | 331 |
| #5 | Longo | 59% | 359 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Kev1n | 59% | 331 |
| #5 | Longo | 59% | 359 |
| #6 | Fra | 59% | 385 |
| #7 | Klingande | 58% | 137 |
| #8 | ferkel. | 56% | 262 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pt | 6 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | Kev1n | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Longo | 4 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | massey | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | ferkel. | 2 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pt | 2953 | 0.35 | 91 min |
| #2 | Longo | 1071 | 0.13 | 29 min |
| #3 | Fra | 995 | 0.11 | 30 min |
| #4 | ferkel. | 768 | 0.13 | 17 min |
| #5 | Kev1n | 494 | 0.07 | 12 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pt | +2.09 | 80 | 82 |
| #2 | ferkel. | +1.15 | 74 | 67 |
| #3 | Longo | +0.92 | 84 | 68 |
| #4 | Fra | +0.51 | 75 | 76 |
| #5 | Flumsy | +0.37 | 83 | 58 |





