








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 716 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 686 matches | ||
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7248 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,254 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6674 | 23% |
| Smokes | 8978 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 7246 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6356 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,437,541 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 765 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | massey | 71% | 45 |
| #2 | Flumsy | 65% | 49 |
| #3 | Klingande | 64% | 125 |
| #4 | Longo | 60% | 313 |
| #5 | pt | 59% | 377 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Longo | 60% | 313 |
| #5 | pt | 59% | 377 |
| #6 | ♛ τB1ZLE_* | 59% | 385 |
| #7 | ferkel. | 58% | 147 |
| #8 | Kev1n | 56% | 233 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♛ τB1ZLE_* | 9 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Longo | 6 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Kev1n | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | pt | 4 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | massey | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pt | 2900 | 0.33 | 88 min |
| #2 | ♛ τB1ZLE_* | 949 | 0.11 | 27 min |
| #3 | Longo | 865 | 0.12 | 24 min |
| #4 | ferkel. | 414 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #5 | Kev1n | 293 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pt | +2.12 | 82 | 81 |
| #2 | ferkel. | +1.32 | 72 | 66 |
| #3 | Fra | +0.50 | 76 | 75 |
| #4 | Longo | +0.46 | 85 | 69 |
| #5 | Flumsy | +0.36 | 81 | 58 |





