








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 860 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 386 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3898 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,776 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4324 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5466 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4735 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 4251 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,194,022 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 607 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spUUUkz | 63% | 40 |
| #2 | gen | 58% | 79 |
| #3 | Jakob Schwarz | 55% | 47 |
| #4 | Slake | 55% | 33 |
| #5 | ᴏ ʙ ɪ ᴛ ᴏ | 53% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | syck | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | spUUkz | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | JESUSbx ਆਲੂ | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | jalapeno | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | mysli | 3 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JESUSbx ਆਲੂ | 612 | 0.17 | 17 min |
| #2 | spUUkz | 336 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | syck | 231 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #4 | mysli | 198 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | LAPITER | 167 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spUUUkz | +3.07 | 83 | 67 |
| #2 | Slake | +3.04 | 76 | 76 |
| #3 | spUUkz | +1.83 | 77 | 65 |
| #4 | jalapeno | +1.32 | 74 | 47 |
| #5 | Jakob Schwarz | +1.21 | 59 | 71 |





