








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1422 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 321 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2966 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,021 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3645 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4780 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 3313 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2283 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,487,249 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1819 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Slizzard | 26% | 54 |
| #5 | Glade (Trading Skins) | 25% | 36 |
| #6 | bzr | 22% | 27 |
| #7 | ButteredPopcorn | 19% | 37 |
| #8 | Ally Lotti | 17% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Block Supervisor | 19 | 0.0112 |
| #2 | Ally Lotti | 9 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Slizzard | 7 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | ButteredPopcorn | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | Glade (Trading Skins) | 3 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Block Supervisor | 253 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Slizzard | 148 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Ally Lotti | 123 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | ButteredPopcorn | 77 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | bzr | 72 | 0.13 | 2 min |





