








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
618 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,487 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 575 | 39% |
| Smokes | 439 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 142 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 331 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $177,886 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KEBAB ENJOYER | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | Jorbon | 71% | 17 |
| #3 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | 65% | 17 |
| #4 | Oda Nobunaga | 62% | 21 |
| #5 | ᵈʳⁱⁿᵏⁱⁿ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵘᵖˢ | 59% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Mai | 54% | 13 |
| #8 | Mateusz | 52% | 25 |
| #9 | ORBON | 50% | 12 |
| #10 | Crippin | 50% | 20 |
| #11 | Daniel Chadcliffe | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | 4 | 0.0114 |
| #2 | ᵈʳⁱⁿᵏⁱⁿ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵘᵖˢ | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Jorbon | 2 | 0.0060 |
| #4 | Mateusz | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | Oda Nobunaga | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mateusz | 190 | 0.37 | 4 min |
| #2 | Jorbon | 143 | 0.43 | 3 min |
| #3 | Crippin | 132 | 0.32 | 4 min |
| #4 | KEBAB ENJOYER | 128 | 0.32 | 3 min |
| #5 | ORBON | 100 | 0.37 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ORBON | +3.95 | 49 | 93 |
| #2 | SLAYN by a #GirlBoss | +3.25 | 74 | 60 |
| #3 | Mateusz | +3.09 | 68 | 84 |
| #4 | KEBAB ENJOYER | +2.23 | 58 | 88 |
| #5 | Blaze | +1.07 | 79 | 52 |





