








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1107 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 335 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 184 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




48 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5306 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5617 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5831 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4880 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4700 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $545,686 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 268 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Locke | 8 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Biene ♡ | 7 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | ✘Dr.Lord Eichelfee☣ | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Wade | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Der Kanzler | 3 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wade | 267 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | Locke | 183 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Mr. Miagi | 179 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | ᴍɪɴᴄʜᴇɴ ♡ | 128 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | ✘Dr.Lord Eichelfee☣ | 89 | 0.08 | 2 min |





