








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
211 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 265 | 21% |
| Smokes | 448 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 321 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 235 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $49,833 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | father m | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | ranzau | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | Jojjer | 61% | 18 |
| #4 | V1K!NG | 60% | 20 |
| #5 | Pazia | 55% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Vaisam | 50% | 2 |
| #10 | JMC | 50% | 4 |
| #11 | Second2None | 50% | 6 |
| #12 | Mr. Lurch | 40% | 5 |
| #13 | VeGa シ | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pazia | 3 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | Jojjer | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Pede | 1 | 0.0303 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pazia | 68 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jojjer | 32 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mr. Lurch | 24 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #4 | father m | 22 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #5 | V1K!NG | 18 | 0.06 | 0 min |





