








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 13 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
148 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 543 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 124 | 23% |
| Smokes | 143 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 155 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 121 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $69,398 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vedder | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Buck Angel | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | Guestzone | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | Hjartarson | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | dr. Doctor Man | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | dr. Doctor Man | 50% | 2 |
| #6 | AceGeir | 50% | 8 |
| #7 | tiro^ | 50% | 8 |
| #8 | shkr | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | KFED | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AceGeir | 31 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | Guestzone | 27 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | KFED | 22 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | tiro^ | 17 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Buck Angel | 14 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goodfella | +1.24 | 65 | 69 |
| #2 | KFED | +1.16 | 74 | 73 |
| #3 | dr. Doctor Man | +0.88 | 86 | 71 |
| #4 | Hjartarson | +0.75 | 63 | 73 |
| #5 | Buck Angel | -0.06 | 74 | 61 |





