








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 41 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 32 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
311 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 945 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 251 | 27% |
| Smokes | 250 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 252 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 192 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $177,577 of utility $230 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaztro is rws | 100% | 5 |
| #2 | vedder | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | shkr | 78% | 9 |
| #4 | tiro^ | 65% | 20 |
| #5 | KFED | 64% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | AceGeir | 53% | 17 |
| #9 | H3LMU7 | 50% | 2 |
| #10 | dr. Doctor Man | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | Hjartarson | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | Teddii4 | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buck Angel | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Kaztro is rws | 1 | 0.0093 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KFED | 67 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | AceGeir | 56 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | tiro^ | 52 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | Buck Angel | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | shkr | 23 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kaztro is rws | +5.39 | 50 | 73 |
| #2 | shkr | +3.18 | 86 | 57 |
| #3 | KFED | +1.22 | 75 | 62 |
| #4 | Guestzone | +0.59 | 70 | 57 |
| #5 | Goodfella | +0.36 | 63 | 70 |





