








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 946 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 665 matches | ||
| Premier | 187 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 280 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6501 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,710 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10480 | 29% |
| Smokes | 10924 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 10351 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4955 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,044,639 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 571 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Hashi^ 箸 | 47% | 494 |
| #7 | Splich^^ | 46% | 488 |
| #8 | SMED | 46% | 102 |
| #9 | S1MPL1FI3D | 45% | 146 |
| #10 | Molle | 43% | 145 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Splich^^ | 8 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | UnifoX | 5 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | Hashi^ 箸 | 5 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | Euryfox | 5 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | SMED | 5 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UnifoX | 1205 | 0.07 | 30 min |
| #2 | Splich^^ | 1129 | 0.10 | 34 min |
| #3 | JohnJohn | 995 | 0.17 | 31 min |
| #4 | Hashi^ 箸 | 863 | 0.08 | 28 min |
| #5 | Euryfox | 443 | 0.04 | 11 min |





