








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 576 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 340 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3476 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,714 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5021 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4811 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2561 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3321 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,403,388 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Clutchy Hopkins | 43% | 247 |
| #11 | Pattaya Pete aka. "The Clap" | 43% | 58 |
| #12 | Scheims Bond | 39% | 36 |
| #13 | flakø. | 37% | 95 |
| #14 | MkY | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nick | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Captain Kangaroo | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | I3luefire | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Clutchy Hopkins | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | mättsen | 3 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clutchy Hopkins | 889 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #2 | nick | 403 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #3 | I3luefire | 384 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | flakø. | 376 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #5 | mättsen | 362 | 0.10 | 8 min |





