










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 161 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 191 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2203 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,789 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2238 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1705 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2431 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1415 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $939,046 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | Captain Kangaroo | 41% | 29 |
| #13 | flakø. | 38% | 87 |
| #14 | Scheims Bond | 37% | 19 |
| #15 | MkY | 33% | 12 |
| #16 | cuddy | 30% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lynx | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Captain Kangaroo | 4 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | Clutchy Hopkins | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | flakø. | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | nick | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clutchy Hopkins | 433 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | flakø. | 344 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #3 | lynx | 343 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #4 | KpN | 242 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Botoxin | 124 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spdR | +4.23 | 84 | 73 |
| #2 | KpN | +2.85 | 90 | 66 |
| #3 | mättsen | +0.86 | 62 | 61 |
| #4 | Dilla | +0.63 | 69 | 66 |
| #5 | Botoxin | +0.48 | 81 | 71 |





