








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1105 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 388 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4397 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,430 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6824 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6527 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6346 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4733 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $780,627 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Dilla | 44% | 132 |
| #10 | I3luefire | 44% | 137 |
| #11 | lynx | 43% | 247 |
| #12 | Botoxin | 43% | 132 |
| #13 | cuddy | 41% | 92 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lynx | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | flakø. | 7 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Scheims Bond | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Dilla | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Captain Kangaroo | 5 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lynx | 836 | 0.16 | 19 min |
| #2 | flakø. | 514 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #3 | Scheims Bond | 429 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #4 | Botoxin | 361 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #5 | cuddy | 311 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KpN | +3.20 | 90 | 65 |
| #2 | Botoxin | +1.16 | 81 | 70 |
| #3 | nick | +0.69 | 69 | 67 |
| #4 | Pattaya Pete aka. "The Clap" | +0.66 | 52 | 57 |
| #5 | mättsen | +0.65 | 66 | 64 |





