








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 439 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3289 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,447 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2027 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2378 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3022 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2020 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,206,963 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 169 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KpN | 69% | 32 |
| #2 | MaC | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | Captain Kangaroo | 58% | 36 |
| #4 | Dilla | 56% | 48 |
| #5 | Botoxin | 55% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nick | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | lynx | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Captain Kangaroo | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | I3luefire | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | Clutchy Hopkins | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lynx | 543 | 0.15 | 12 min |
| #2 | Clutchy Hopkins | 429 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #3 | nick | 306 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #4 | I3luefire | 270 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | Botoxin | 164 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KpN | +4.25 | 91 | 65 |
| #2 | Dilla | +1.57 | 70 | 69 |
| #3 | Pattaya Pete aka. "The Clap" | +1.24 | 55 | 54 |
| #4 | nick | +1.14 | 73 | 69 |
| #5 | mättsen | +0.79 | 70 | 63 |





