








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 898 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 348 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4392 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,455 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4727 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3341 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 3852 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3535 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,737,523 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 418 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KpN | 56% | 45 |
| #2 | mättsen | 55% | 55 |
| #3 | flakø. | 50% | 70 |
| #4 | Captain Kangaroo | 48% | 46 |
| #5 | cuddy | 48% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Dilla | 42% | 59 |
| #14 | Kairos | 39% | 41 |
| #15 | I3luefire | 38% | 74 |
| #16 | nick | 37% | 35 |
| #17 | elesde | 35% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain Kangaroo | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | flakø. | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Dilla | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | KpN | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | lynx | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Clutchy Hopkins | 473 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | lynx | 370 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #3 | cuddy | 323 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | flakø. | 305 | 0.21 | 9 min |
| #5 | dnz ツ | 298 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KpN | +2.60 | 89 | 69 |
| #2 | Pattaya Pete aka. "The Clap" | +1.73 | 55 | 60 |
| #3 | dnz ツ | +0.90 | 73 | 74 |
| #4 | zuLE * | +0.78 | 76 | 64 |
| #5 | mättsen | +0.68 | 64 | 65 |





