








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 174 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1836 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,935 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1365 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1485 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1133 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 952 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,825 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DaN-... | 76% | 17 |
| #2 | Egg Yolk | 68% | 37 |
| #3 | Schattenklinge | 67% | 12 |
| #4 | Chenn | 67% | 15 |
| #5 | Walter P. Malone | 67% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egg Yolk | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Walter P. Malone | 3 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Lapiru | 2 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Chenn | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Schlobbel | 1 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Egg Yolk | 124 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | Monster | 71 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #3 | Walter P. Malone | 51 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Chenn | 43 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | DaN-... | 37 | 0.11 | 1 min |





