








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 309 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 188 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1943 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,457 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4169 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3920 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3136 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2232 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $903,205 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 219 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Big_AL | 43% | 40 |
| #15 | divine | 41% | 22 |
| #16 | Decker | 39% | 38 |
| #17 | Dallimba | 38% | 32 |
| #18 | Forneus&Fuskeren | 29% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qtz | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | TrevorLahey69 | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | ShakEEEbroh | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Betch | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Zlatni | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qtz | 656 | 0.21 | 18 min |
| #2 | ShakEEEbroh | 188 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | TrevorLahey69 | 171 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Betch | 166 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | Big_AL | 158 | 0.19 | 5 min |





