








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 696 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 75 matches | ||
| Esplay | 29 matches | 2,046 | |
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1965 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,875 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2482 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1844 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2196 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1353 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $368,202 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 201 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | hilL-.^ | 51% | 108 |
| #5 | poopickeR^^ | 47% | 17 |
| #6 | tMY | 46% | 28 |
| #7 | THEaiaN | 39% | 28 |
| #8 | Hotfix | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hilL-.^ | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | enox | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Hotfix | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | THEaiaN | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hilL-.^ | 717 | 0.30 | 18 min |
| #2 | naju | 277 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #3 | enox | 139 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | THEaiaN | 90 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | Hotfix | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hilL-.^ | +1.25 | 75 | 73 |
| #2 | enox | +1.17 | 75 | 75 |
| #3 | der discoköniG | +0.46 | 77 | 76 |
| #4 | naju | -0.53 | 63 | 79 |
| #5 | THEaiaN | -0.77 | 60 | 70 |





