








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 409 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 265 matches | ||
| Premier | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3275 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,855 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3835 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4067 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3200 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2753 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,133,601 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eM- | 74% | 39 |
| #2 | sp00n | 67% | 18 |
| #3 | NKZ | 65% | 68 |
| #4 | Whindanski*[p$] | 64% | 53 |
| #5 | Kris | 60% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Tummon | 54% | 104 |
| #11 | 0009HPB7000 | 52% | 125 |
| #12 | Big Knox | 51% | 106 |
| #13 | twitch.tv/f00bie | 50% | 44 |
| #14 | napG0D | 45% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SkidZ | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | RossR | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | Tummon | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #4 | twitch.tv/f00bie | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Holl1s | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RossR | 1457 | 0.37 | 42 min |
| #2 | SkidZ | 613 | 0.15 | 16 min |
| #3 | NKZ | 433 | 0.29 | 12 min |
| #4 | Tummon | 357 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #5 | 0009HPB7000 | 277 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Whindanski*[p$] | +3.25 | 84 | 63 |
| #2 | Holl1s | +2.88 | 81 | 74 |
| #3 | RossR | +2.75 | 85 | 81 |
| #4 | eM- | +1.73 | 87 | 65 |
| #5 | SkidZ | +1.53 | 71 | 67 |





