








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 77 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 149 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1344 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,588 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1491 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1502 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1439 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1156 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $378,642 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #18 | cabzy | 40% | 10 |
| #19 | auPacks | 38% | 8 |
| #20 | TY$ON | 33% | 12 |
| #21 | Allahu Akbar | 31% | 16 |
| #22 | sKeLeTr0n | 9% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Enno | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Sm0k3y | 4 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | Yuno | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | worstplayer | 3 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Brett.io | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5ch0lli | 220 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Enno | 160 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | TRiBAN | 156 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Brett.io | 152 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | sKeLeTr0n | 152 | 0.21 | 3 min |





