








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 92 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 204 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2213 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,578 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1483 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1552 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1862 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1681 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $614,766 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 112 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TRiBAN | 65% | 17 |
| #2 | worstplayer | 60% | 42 |
| #3 | IronTony | 59% | 27 |
| #4 | cabzy | 59% | 17 |
| #5 | pauf </3 | 55% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | KanteOnly | 43% | 14 |
| #17 | SativA | 41% | 22 |
| #18 | sKeLeTr0n | 38% | 16 |
| #19 | gg | 36% | 11 |
| #20 | Jobbo_Y | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | worstplayer | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Sm0k3y | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Brett.io | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | pauf </3 | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | 5ch0lli | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 5ch0lli | 308 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #2 | Brett.io | 256 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #3 | sKeLeTr0n | 251 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #4 | worstplayer | 209 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | pauf </3 | 195 | 0.16 | 4 min |





