








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 478 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 341 matches | ||
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4202 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,400 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3900 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4258 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3513 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3729 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,394,418 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 68 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jy | 65% | 26 |
| #2 | ._. | 61% | 67 |
| #3 | MeMph | 58% | 24 |
| #4 | Simon | 58% | 72 |
| #5 | iceman | 58% | 205 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | sokjin | 54% | 182 |
| #9 | oxey | 52% | 66 |
| #10 | heavyh | 50% | 137 |
| #11 | sabretron | 47% | 38 |
| #12 | soygood | 46% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 2 | 0.0003 |
| #2 | iceman | 2 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | sokjin | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #4 | heavyh | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | ._. | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 1297 | 0.20 | 41 min |
| #2 | iceman | 792 | 0.18 | 25 min |
| #3 | oxey | 425 | 0.29 | 12 min |
| #4 | sokjin | 421 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #5 | Simon | 305 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | +2.46 | 79 | 78 |
| #2 | oxey | +0.97 | 76 | 77 |
| #3 | ._. | +0.78 | 77 | 69 |
| #4 | sharplikebutter | +0.57 | 79 | 67 |
| #5 | sokjin | +0.42 | 68 | 64 |





