








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 404 matches | ||
| Premier | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5379 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,753 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5700 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5698 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4715 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4640 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,319,276 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MeMph | 66% | 53 |
| #2 | Simon | 60% | 82 |
| #3 | sabretron | 60% | 57 |
| #4 | sokjin | 59% | 212 |
| #5 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 58% | 301 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | jy | 55% | 31 |
| #9 | ._. | 53% | 75 |
| #10 | soygood | 53% | 34 |
| #11 | NAH | 49% | 49 |
| #12 | oxey | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NAH | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 3 | 0.0005 |
| #3 | sokjin | 3 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | heavyh | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | sharplikebutter | 1 | 0.0002 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 1297 | 0.20 | 41 min |
| #2 | sharplikebutter | 747 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| #3 | sokjin | 465 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #4 | Simon | 363 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #5 | oxey | 246 | 0.30 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | +2.76 | 79 | 80 |
| #2 | oxey | +1.38 | 74 | 78 |
| #3 | sokjin | +0.74 | 67 | 65 |
| #4 | Simon | +0.66 | 80 | 64 |
| #5 | iceman | +0.59 | 75 | 69 |





