








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1669 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 280 matches | ||
| Faceit | 273 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7581 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,252 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6027 | 24% |
| Smokes | 6710 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6124 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 6391 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,024,806 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 126 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MeMph | 60% | 72 |
| #2 | iceman | 59% | 212 |
| #3 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 56% | 348 |
| #4 | sabretron | 55% | 60 |
| #5 | ._. | 54% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 56% | 348 |
| #4 | sabretron | 55% | 60 |
| #5 | ._. | 54% | 39 |
| #6 | sharplikebutter | 54% | 182 |
| #7 | heavyh | 49% | 147 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 8 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | MeMph | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | iceman | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #4 | heavyh | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #5 | sabretron | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | 1576 | 0.21 | 49 min |
| #2 | iceman | 898 | 0.20 | 26 min |
| #3 | sharplikebutter | 713 | 0.18 | 18 min |
| #4 | sabretron | 246 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #5 | heavyh | 109 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABSOLUTE COMEDY | +2.50 | 79 | 79 |
| #2 | sokjin | +1.68 | 72 | 64 |
| #3 | sharplikebutter | +0.76 | 80 | 68 |
| #4 | iceman | +0.35 | 71 | 70 |
| #5 | ._. | -0.02 | 77 | 65 |





