








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 387 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 100 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2953 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,418 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2833 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3274 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4838 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 3473 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,459,954 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1309 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | various1490 | 50% | 40 |
| #2 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 47% | 251 |
| #3 | The Purple Pony | 47% | 47 |
| #4 | Joseph Starving | 46% | 35 |
| #5 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 46% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 46% | 101 |
| #6 | oXygen | 45% | 44 |
| #7 | xinax | 44% | 27 |
| #8 | Lucky4Noobs | 41% | 27 |
| #9 | G0ldi98 | 34% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 31 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | The Purple Pony | 21 | 0.0216 |
| #3 | Joseph Starving | 10 | 0.0138 |
| #4 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | various1490 | 8 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 472 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #2 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 330 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #3 | The Purple Pony | 162 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Joseph Starving | 92 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | xinax | 62 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | belle delphine's pink pussy | +3.48 | 68 | 47 |
| #2 | oXygen | +1.80 | 70 | 30 |
| #3 | various1490 | +1.58 | 53 | 46 |
| #4 | Joseph Starving | +1.49 | 48 | 64 |
| #5 | Lucky4Noobs | +1.20 | 62 | 67 |





