








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3793 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,558 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6867 | 37% |
| Smokes | 4262 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4354 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3075 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $574,297 of utility $68 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 467 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Mahmoud | 71% | 21 |
| #2 | Claudius Claudianus | 59% | 37 |
| #3 | xinax | 51% | 65 |
| #4 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 51% | 130 |
| #5 | ᴹᴿ 𝕁𝔻 | 49% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Claudius Claudianus | 59% | 37 |
| #3 | xinax | 51% | 65 |
| #4 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 51% | 130 |
| #5 | ᴹᴿ 𝕁𝔻 | 49% | 37 |
| #6 | Timmeh | 46% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 11 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Timmeh | 10 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Uncle Mahmoud | 8 | 0.0182 |
| #4 | xinax | 7 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Claudius Claudianus | 5 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | belle delphine's pink pussy | 215 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | xinax | 191 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Timmeh | 143 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Claudius Claudianus | 94 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | ᴹᴿ 𝕁𝔻 | 84 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Claudius Claudianus | +4.30 | 84 | 71 |
| #2 | belle delphine's pink pussy | +3.32 | 66 | 50 |
| #3 | xinax | +0.92 | 27 | 61 |
| #4 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | -0.62 | 58 | 74 |
| #5 | ᴹᴿ 𝕁𝔻 | -0.85 | 47 | 60 |





