








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1294 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 694 matches | ||
| Wingman | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




76 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8837 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,515 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4482 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6203 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 5056 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3774 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,115,670 of utility $234 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oXygen | 51% | 84 |
| #2 | Claudius Claudianus | 51% | 43 |
| #3 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 51% | 130 |
| #4 | xinax | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | hardØn | 48% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | hardØn | 48% | 65 |
| #6 | Timmeh | 47% | 251 |
| #7 | G0ldi98 | 47% | 87 |
| #8 | Thangkas | 42% | 50 |
| #9 | Rick Grimes | 42% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Timmeh | 17 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 14 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Rick Grimes | 8 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | oXygen | 7 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | xinax | 5 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | George Jesus | 40K Spotify | 541 | 0.20 | 13 min |
| #2 | hardØn | 493 | 0.36 | 16 min |
| #3 | Timmeh | 337 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | xinax | 142 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | Rick Grimes | 108 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Claudius Claudianus | +2.90 | 86 | 71 |
| #2 | belle delphine's pink pussy | +2.29 | 71 | 48 |
| #3 | Rick Grimes | +1.13 | 64 | 34 |
| #4 | oXygen | +0.27 | 72 | 46 |
| #5 | xinax | -0.08 | 28 | 63 |





