








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1200 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 501 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 386 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8301 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,560 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7584 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6638 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5533 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4805 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,835,119 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2577 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nozza | 60% | 55 |
| #2 | EsO* | 53% | 60 |
| #3 | 80HD Jacker | 52% | 81 |
| #4 | Wolvie | 52% | 97 |
| #5 | Catfish Billy | 50% | 179 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ''Zodiak. | 49% | 183 |
| #9 | bwones | 48% | 79 |
| #10 | atheoo | 48% | 109 |
| #11 | DAN | 46% | 131 |
| #12 | Nymourious | 38% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Яevealz | 25 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | atheoo | 16 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Catfish Billy | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | bwones | 7 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | DAN | 4 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DAN | 437 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Catfish Billy | 401 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #3 | Wolvie | 396 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #4 | bwones | 387 | 0.23 | 10 min |
| #5 | atheoo | 348 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | atheoo | +3.40 | 60 | 64 |
| #2 | Wolvie | +2.97 | 67 | 65 |
| #3 | 80HD Jacker | +2.11 | 45 | 70 |
| #4 | panzer | +1.71 | 59 | 64 |
| #5 | DAN | +1.58 | 43 | 71 |





