








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 447 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 182 matches | ||
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3692 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,635 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3946 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4517 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4248 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2924 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $629,929 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 562 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GY!BE | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | Ronald Mcfuckin' Donald | 58% | 213 |
| #3 | jtronda | 56% | 147 |
| #4 | Band1t | 55% | 71 |
| #5 | cantstopeating | 55% | 220 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ronald Mcfuckin' Donald | 58% | 213 |
| #3 | jtronda | 56% | 147 |
| #4 | Band1t | 55% | 71 |
| #5 | cantstopeating | 55% | 220 |
| #6 | UhSeem | 52% | 65 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cantstopeating | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Ronald Mcfuckin' Donald | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | jtronda | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Band1t | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | GY!BE | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ronald Mcfuckin' Donald | 579 | 0.13 | 17 min |
| #2 | cantstopeating | 538 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #3 | jtronda | 383 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | UhSeem | 193 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | Band1t | 150 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ronald Mcfuckin' Donald | +2.92 | 72 | 75 |
| #2 | Band1t | +1.17 | 71 | 59 |
| #3 | SonahTV | +0.21 | 59 | 73 |
| #4 | GY!BE | +0.16 | 42 | 55 |
| #5 | cantstopeating | +0.02 | 57 | 62 |





