








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 477 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 319 matches | ||
| Faceit | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Wingman | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Esplay | 16 matches | 1,933 | |
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4605 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,316 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5623 | 31% |
| Smokes | 6176 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 4364 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2153 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,703,336 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 167 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GuggI | 66% | 35 |
| #2 | ✨🅿🅻🅰🆈🅾🅽 â•⃤ | 62% | 42 |
| #3 | Hate?! | 59% | 80 |
| #4 | Mort^ | 55% | 148 |
| #5 | PinkyDinky^ | 55% | 176 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Prophets.dk | ✪ DeTox^| | 427 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | Mort^ | 337 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | PinkyDinky^ | 242 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #4 | Captain-Frisk | 231 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Hate?! | 226 | 0.12 | 6 min |





