








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 705 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 404 matches | ||
| Faceit | 193 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8319 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,156 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6684 | 25% |
| Smokes | 7521 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5552 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 7399 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,819,165 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 141 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hate?! | 61% | 99 |
| #2 | Uffda.MSG | 60% | 117 |
| #3 | poop | 60% | 47 |
| #4 | Mort^ | 57% | 240 |
| #5 | PinkyDinky^ | 57% | 252 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Captain-Frisk | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | ☞ Bubbibj@rn ☜ | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Uffda.MSG | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | ♿HzE♿ | 2 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | PinkyDinky^ | 1 | 0.0002 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mort^ | 515 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #2 | 🅠🅟 | 484 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #3 | Captain-Frisk | 314 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #4 | PinkyDinky^ | 301 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #5 | Hate?! | 299 | 0.13 | 7 min |





