








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 332 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 89 matches | ||
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 46 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3859 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,829 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2801 | 22% |
| Smokes | 4492 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2717 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2819 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,326,432 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 185 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MuscleNoob | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Αʀ | 56% | 175 |
| #3 | MajinLu | 53% | 30 |
| #4 | ШidзSщiиg| MixolydianMatty | 53% | 331 |
| #5 | Justaboy | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Tough Spudder | 52% | 163 |
| #7 | House | 49% | 134 |
| #8 | MajorMatt | 48% | 67 |
| #9 | Vad | 46% | 24 |
| #10 | ☠CLIT Eastwood☠ | 41% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ШidзSщiиg| MixolydianMatty | 12 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | ☠CLIT Eastwood☠ | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | House | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Tough Spudder | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Justaboy | 2 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ШidзSщiиg| MixolydianMatty | 343 | 0.05 | 8 min |
| #2 | Αʀ | 215 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | House | 49 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | ☠CLIT Eastwood☠ | 38 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Vad | 30 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RELiNQUiSH | +2.64 | 78 | 66 |
| #2 | Tough Spudder | +1.09 | 74 | 34 |
| #3 | House | +0.90 | 66 | 48 |
| #4 | Vad | -0.21 | 52 | 64 |
| #5 | MuscleNoob | -0.37 | 51 | 50 |





