








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
964 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,600 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 509 | 20% |
| Smokes | 637 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 862 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 592 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $329,793 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | core | 88% | 24 |
| #2 | spGEEッ | 68% | 34 |
| #3 | flipp | 67% | 49 |
| #4 | p | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | ColonelMichel | 66% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ColonelMichel | 66% | 32 |
| #6 | dav0ke | 63% | 8 |
| #7 | gravityy | 58% | 38 |
| #8 | weirDs- | 50% | 26 |
| #9 | NARCO | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gravityy | 3 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | spGEEッ | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | weirDs- | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | core | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | flipp | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gravityy | 141 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | ColonelMichel | 98 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | spGEEッ | 96 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | weirDs- | 81 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | flipp | 76 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flipp | +2.82 | 92 | 50 |
| #2 | gravityy | +1.90 | 89 | 72 |
| #3 | spGEEッ | +0.83 | 76 | 72 |
| #4 | core | +0.80 | 71 | 62 |
| #5 | dav0ke | +0.35 | 80 | 83 |





