








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 208 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 126 matches | ||
| Esplay | 11 matches | 1,892 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1167 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,169 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2800 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3054 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2049 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2266 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $156,006 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | discokjelle | 57% | 60 |
| #13 | almefjord | 51% | 41 |
| #14 | ✯Mizo✯ | 50% | 8 |
| #15 | WozzeC | 50% | 74 |
| #16 | Drlller | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WozzeC | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | discokjelle | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | eskill | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Husssar | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | almefjord | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | discokjelle | 202 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | WozzeC | 200 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #3 | almefjord | 149 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | Husssar | 78 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | eskill | 71 | 0.06 | 2 min |





