








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 401 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
972 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,154 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1132 | 36% |
| Smokes | 924 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 598 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 500 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $127,242 of utility $58 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 287 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | crippled sex offender | 40% | 35 |
| #11 | Harley Davidson | 36% | 14 |
| #12 | DaKitten | 33% | 9 |
| #13 | Sultan420 | 29% | 14 |
| #14 | limpan | 10% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crippled sex offender | 30 | 0.0467 |
| #2 | Harley Davidson | 8 | 0.0336 |
| #3 | limpan | 8 | 0.0449 |
| #4 | Hawk Tuah Kungen | 6 | 0.0088 |
| #5 | zacke | 4 | 0.0133 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crippled sex offender | 155 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #2 | zacke | 117 | 0.39 | 3 min |
| #3 | Hawk Tuah Kungen | 87 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #4 | Sultan420 | 61 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #5 | CaffeineAddictedAlpaca | 47 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Evil bob | +5.94 | 84 | 47 |
| #2 | xX_MRCHICKEN_Xx | +5.52 | 59 | 58 |
| #3 | zacke | +3.64 | 43 | 58 |
| #4 | Eminem Cat | +2.87 | 57 | 50 |
| #5 | Leo Marcus | +1.50 | 34 | 44 |





