








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 85 matches | ||
| Wingman | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1633 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3173 | 44% |
| Smokes | 1723 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1133 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1229 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $621,682 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 198 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zacke | 56% | 99 |
| #2 | CaffeineAddictedAlpaca | 52% | 21 |
| #3 | Robinesta | 46% | 115 |
| #4 | DaKitten | 44% | 57 |
| #5 | Hawk Tuah Kungen | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Hawk Tuah Kungen | 42% | 26 |
| #6 | Leo Marcus | 40% | 42 |
| #7 | Harley Davidson | 39% | 120 |
| #8 | limpan | 38% | 40 |
| #9 | crippled sex offender | 31% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crippled sex offender | 45 | 0.0343 |
| #2 | Harley Davidson | 35 | 0.0167 |
| #3 | zacke | 24 | 0.0138 |
| #4 | Robinesta | 23 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | Leo Marcus | 12 | 0.0154 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zacke | 617 | 0.36 | 15 min |
| #2 | Robinesta | 516 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #3 | crippled sex offender | 342 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #4 | CaffeineAddictedAlpaca | 98 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | Leo Marcus | 93 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Robinesta | +4.36 | 52 | 58 |
| #2 | zacke | +4.17 | 54 | 61 |
| #3 | CaffeineAddictedAlpaca | +1.50 | 39 | 48 |
| #4 | Leo Marcus | +0.76 | 42 | 32 |
| #5 | Hawk Tuah Kungen | +0.30 | 27 | 35 |





