








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 313 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 157 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
782 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,220 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 798 | 36% |
| Smokes | 957 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 381 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 84 | 4% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,171,919 of utility $246 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1775 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RoyalPug | 49% | 76 |
| #2 | pringletingl. | 45% | 160 |
| #3 | Dave, the magical cheese wizard | 45% | 141 |
| #4 | ChrBnks | 41% | 177 |
| #5 | Goose | 29% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RoyalPug | 49% | 76 |
| #2 | pringletingl. | 45% | 160 |
| #3 | Dave, the magical cheese wizard | 45% | 141 |
| #4 | ChrBnks | 41% | 177 |
| #5 | Goose | 29% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pringletingl. | 54 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | ChrBnks | 46 | 0.0131 |
| #3 | Dave, the magical cheese wizard | 14 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Goose | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | RoyalPug | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ChrBnks | 337 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | pringletingl. | 270 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #3 | RoyalPug | 94 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dave, the magical cheese wizard | 73 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | Goose | 15 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pringletingl. | +4.19 | 62 | 47 |
| #2 | RoyalPug | +2.15 | 33 | 32 |
| #3 | ChrBnks | +1.96 | 39 | 30 |
| #4 | Dave, the magical cheese wizard | +0.20 | 24 | 18 |
| #5 | Goose | -2.12 | 4 | 13 |





