








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 139 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 211 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2564 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,331 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3167 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3062 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3222 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2880 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $574,355 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 439 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | STEVE | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | 55% | 190 |
| #3 | SayLess | 49% | 236 |
| #4 | Scuba Steve | 49% | 104 |
| #5 | Caspur | 49% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | SayLess | 49% | 236 |
| #4 | Scuba Steve | 49% | 104 |
| #5 | Caspur | 49% | 74 |
| #6 | hoods | 45% | 128 |
| #7 | Woody | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SayLess | 29 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | 13 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Scuba Steve | 10 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Woody | 8 | 0.0119 |
| #5 | hoods | 5 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SayLess | 887 | 0.17 | 24 min |
| #2 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | 709 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| #3 | hoods | 193 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | Scuba Steve | 153 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Caspur | 153 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jinxツ | +1.73 | 78 | 70 |
| #2 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | +0.66 | 90 | 64 |
| #3 | hoods | +0.62 | 69 | 49 |
| #4 | SayLess | +0.43 | 72 | 72 |
| #5 | Caspur | -0.65 | 68 | 60 |





