










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 943 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 674 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 171 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




68 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7536 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 34,187 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9540 | 28% |
| Smokes | 8795 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 9083 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 6769 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,738,283 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 917 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Caspur | 53% | 268 |
| #2 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | 51% | 553 |
| #3 | jinxツ | 49% | 236 |
| #4 | Woody | 48% | 48 |
| #5 | hoods | 44% | 261 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | jinxツ | 49% | 236 |
| #4 | Woody | 48% | 48 |
| #5 | hoods | 44% | 261 |
| #6 | Scuba Steve | 44% | 162 |
| #7 | STEVE | 40% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | 34 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | jinxツ | 17 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Scuba Steve | 11 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | hoods | 10 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Woody | 10 | 0.0094 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | 1811 | 0.15 | 48 min |
| #2 | jinxツ | 774 | 0.15 | 20 min |
| #3 | Caspur | 620 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #4 | hoods | 387 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #5 | Scuba Steve | 247 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jinxツ | +1.68 | 77 | 70 |
| #2 | SayLess | +0.77 | 72 | 71 |
| #3 | -d̷j̷ǫ̵f̷u̶l̶l̴- | +0.69 | 89 | 65 |
| #4 | hoods | +0.36 | 71 | 48 |
| #5 | Woody | -0.23 | 87 | 54 |





